Joke Time

So I thought I'd post a favorite joke of mine from when I was a kid. I actually read it once on a forum when I was like 10-11 and have tried to remember it ever since. Luckily a friend of mine came across it and mailed it to me recently without even knowing I had been searching for it for so long. Some might find it innapropriate, but to each their own....Anyways here it is:

Voodoo Dick

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, the old man "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except..." and he stopped."

"Except what?"

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me ! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'"

"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" the businessman asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

"Ahh, but you haven't seen what it'll do yet."

He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door."

The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle.

Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!"

The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

Businessman "I'll take it!"

The old man resisted, saying "it wasn't for sale", but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say...

"Voodoo dick, my pussy."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.

After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said: "
Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"

Mass Effect 2 Teaser

Of Descriptions

So I was sitting and trying to think of something write just now when it dawned on me that in the very description of my blog there is a flaw. I made a solemn promise of what would appear in my posts at least somewhat regularly, and in that I failed.

Where is information on Star Wars?
Where is something related to World of Warcraft?
What of the narcoleptic monkeys of the world?

I can't believe I made such a fundamental error in my posting as to forget to talk about what it is that I promised to talk about....also grammar...wow that sentence was non-sensical.

Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder

So I thought today I would write a review on the most recent, as well as final Futurama DVD which was just released. This is mostly because I finally got a chance to watch it last night.

All-in-all it was an amazing movie, as well as a great finale to Futurama. This turned out to be the best of the movies, barely sneaking by a better score in my mind than "Bender's Big Score". The only reason it almost didn't was because I was far more tearful watching the first movie.

I personally watched "Into the Wild Green Yonder" on Blu-ray, and all I can say is that the visuals were just gorgeous. The design of the episode was amazing and they way everything was incorporated was stunning. Never in my life would I have thought that I'd pause a cartoon to examine how the animators decided to depict tin foil.

The music and sound effects were as always very nice as well. This movie featured a new rendition of the classic theme song, performed by Seth McFarlane of Family Guy fame.

The last thing I can say is that the story was great as always. It tied up the most important plot point of the entire series and gave a great send off to what is in my honest opinion the best show on or off television. With an ending as amazing as they gave I conflicted if I want to see a return of the series or just let it end as beautifully as it did.